OHO's World Cup of Programming Languages

5 mins

World Cup fever is gripping the Oho Group harder than the panic currently gripping Budweiser’s sponsorships team, with the eve of the tournament just hours away.

We’ve highlighted sixteen (a classic 11 + 5 subs) players that look set to light up the tournament, and asked ourselves: if they were a programming language, which would they be?


Player: Lionel Messi

Nation: Argentina


Been around forever. The greatest of all time?


Player: Cristiano Ronaldo

Nation: Portugal

Language: Java

The big-name alternative. Had major success wearing 7, but has attracted his fair share of lawsuits. Even his staunchest fans losing patience with him these days


Player: Neymar

Nation: Brazil

Language: Go

As in, “Goes down a bit too easily”


Player: Christien Eriksen

Nation: Denmark

Language: Lua

Seen a massive revival since last year


Player: Jesus Ferreira

Nation: USA

Language: Ada

Named after an iconic figure


Player: Mohammed Kudus

Nation: Ghana

Language: Javascript

Extremely versatile - makes things happen from just about anywhere. Normally found near the front end but helps out towards the back too


Player: Son Heung-Min

Nation: South Korea

Language: C#

Although, having fractured his eye socket just before the tournament, maybe he can’t?


Player: Antonio Rudiger 

Nation: Germany

Language: Swift

The fastest player in Europe


Player: Granit Xhaka

Nation: Switzerland

Language: Bash

As in, “Bashing up the opposition”


Player: Kalidou Koulibaly

Nation: Senegal

Language: C

A rock-solid performer, underpins everything his team does


Player: Kevin de Bruyne

Nation: Belgium

Language: Scala

Famous for his elegant, threaded passes; an all-round, highly functional player


Player: Xherdan Shaqiri

Nation: Switzerland

Language: X++

You can’t help but wonder what the ‘X’ is doing there


Player: Kylian Mbappé

Nation: France

Language: SQL

He’ll always be asking the question


Player: Cody Gakpo

Nation: Netherlands

Language: Rust

Has been on the rise for some time, but people are finally starting to see what he’s all about


Player: Guillermo Ochoa

Nation: Mexico

Language: C++

Trusty, reliable, a safe pair of hands


Player: Trent Alexander-Arnold


Language: HTML

Not very effective on the back end

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